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This is hard

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Welps. Here we are. This is where I stopped writing a year ago. I couldn’t write about this then, and apparently I still can’t write about this now.  I had an entire post written up in my mind talking about  Yeah, I can’t write it. There’s a block. Something that stops me from fully admitting to myself and everyone around me that I am, and have always been, a mess. Not a mess in the classic sense of not being able to hold down a job or keep relationships, but a mess in a more internal and fundamental way. A mess in the sense that something within me is broken. Well, technically, it isn’t really broken. It’s fine as far as I’m concerned. It makes some things harder. It’s harder to fit in and find spaces where I can be myself, and it’s nearly impossible to meet expectations — and by expectations I mean what people expect to get when they see me.  I am, at my core, a misfit. I don’t fit. There are neat boxes in society. Girl. Boy. Gay. Straight. I fit into none of them. I...
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Bookending the decade with Brown Eyed Girls

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I wasn't aware Brown Eyed Girls's Abracadabra (released in 2010) until 2014 or 2015, but because Brown Eyed Girls, like Shinee, were active at the beginning and the end of the decade, you can use the as a lesson in the evolution of Kpop of sorts. The video for Abracadabra was sent to me in the middle of a slow workday by a coworker who was also very bored. The video is definitely NSFW, so you can deduce from this that the job wasn't a particularly, how shall we say, high rent one. No, really, it was a pretty boring job in a small office in a business park. You could get very bored very fast there, and at some point half the office started watching Kdramas and listening to Kpop and discussing makeup. I know that about 50% of my time was spent making playlists. Anyways, back to Abracadabra.  It slaps. Hard. It's a sexy, energetic pop song that's heavy on the synth. The singers sound badass even without the video. I have no idea what they're saying ...
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Shelter By Porter Robinson and why sometimes you shouldn't watch the video

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Anime is an interesting art form. I grew up with it. I sometimes say to people, "Oh I love anime because that was all there was on TV when I was growing up," but that's a lie: there was GI Joe and My Little Pony and The Smurfs and I'm sure something educational. But nothing caught my imagination like anime. There was something dark and sinister happening in anime that wasn't happening in any other animated TV show. There was a constant feeling of dread, and there was always — ALWAYS! — someone looking out in the distance sadly while the wind swept their hair and flowy clothes. Me and my depressed child mind latched onto that feeling of loss and longing, that feeling that something good might happen, but probably won't. Well, not so much "latched on" as "felt it deeply within my psyche". I also liked the red/blue oni thing (like a lot!) and the aesthetic of it all (also a lot! men wearing lace cravats and lipstick who can also vanquish e...
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Waking Light: The one Beck song I listened to all decade

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I don't think anyone is reading this. Or at most a handful of people are. As such, here is a nice, personal story about Waking Light and why it's the only Beck song I listened to this past decade. Most of my current friends have only come into my life since the turn of the millennium. For reasons I won't go into, most of my friends from the past millennium are gone.  Out of the handful of friends that date back past 2000, I only see one semi-regularly.  One summer night in 2014 I think, I met her at a Persian restaurant for late supper. We shared our plates like we always did when we were together alone. We shared dessert. We talked about our lives. She told me who she was dating. I told her he didn't sound much better than the guy she had just divorced.  The night was warm, and only slightly humid, with a cool breeze. We walked on the street for a bit after we had supper. Then we said our goodbyes, promising to see each other next week but knowing we pr...
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The Infidelity Playlist

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There is a playlist I have always wanted to make but never had time to curate: The Infidelity Playlist. I have so many songs in my Spotify library about infidelity that I feel I could probably run a radio show about them. But instead I'll just write this blog entry for my favourite songs about infidelity from this past decade, starting with my very but very favouritest song, Fucking Around on You. Oh the glory of this tune! It's unclear whether the protagonist is actually cheating or is just getting off on some people they follow on Instagram. I figure that whomever they're fantasizing about is not of the same gender as their current partner. I'm guessing that the protagonist can no longer open up Instagram on public transit because their feed is full of lounging half-naked sweaty bodies. Or fan art. Or furries. Either way, let's crank it up and give it a listen! Please note that the video is not safe for work or public transit. And now for something sli...
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Well that's fucking weird Pt3: Lilili Yabbay and My I

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There are many strange Kpop tunes out there, but none are quite as surrealistically strange and otherwordly as Lilili Yabbay and My I by SEVENTEEN. Besides sounding like lamentations by sci fi ghosts from across time and space, they're paired with modern dance pieces that also feel somewhat disturbing. Before we go on, a word about SEVENTEEN. SEVENTEEN, first of all, has, bafflingly, 13 members. They are what is commonly referred to in Kpop circles as a "self-producing group", meaning that they often write, compose, produce, and choreograph their own pieces. Apparently it's good that they're good at it because otherwise their company would have jettisoned them ages ago. Anyways, SEVENTEEN makes some very interesting music in general. The production and composition is interesting, and the choreographies are intricate (and sometimes exhausting to watch, tbh).  But My I and Lilili Yabbay are, to be blunt, weird as fuck. The vocals on Lilili Yabbay are dis...
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Well that's fucking weird Pt2: SOPHIE

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I will admit that the first time I heard SOPHIE's PRODUCT compilation I thought "what the actual fuck is this?" I had to look up whether it was supposed to be music or something else because I was entirely unsure of what to make of it. As one reviewer put it, it was dance music that no one could be expected to dance to. I mean, BIPP kinda sounds like conventional music And VYZEE could be considered a tune in some conceivable universe But really it was JUST LIKE WE NEVER SAID GOODBYE that hooked me. It's the most conventionally musical of the entire PRODUCT compilation, so you know that at heart I'm pretty basic and unable to really appreciate the avant-garde nature of the rest of the compilation. And on top of it all, the story is compelling — meeting someone after all these years and finding that you still have the same connection — and the track starts with the sound of thunder. I am a basic bitch. BUT COME ON THIS SONG! Anyways, I liter...
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